Serial Driver not connected to hardware

[chillypepper112]

I am currently writing a serial driver in visual basic 3.0 but unfortunately I do not have a cheerio screw because I only ordered it from the manufacturer which is located at 123 Kellogs Avenue, Ripney, Arkansaw. Since I do not have the appropriate hardware, I do not know what port is the right one to output bytes to, and if there are too many bytes in wrong port, then right port gets used up and has no more cheerios. How do I use right port and wrong port at the same time without transferring bytes from right port to wrong port? Also, how I can keep both ports closed while only writing to each of them sometimes?

[Richard Robertson]

Is this even a serious request?

First of all, who uses VB 3 or serial drivers in this age? Second, the cereal makes even less sense.