Microsoft Sam - "Bad to the bone"

[crashdemons]

Just for fun if you have SAPI.

It's not like you would really want to listen to MS Sam sing if it wasn't for fun.

expandcollapse popup

Global Const $SVSFlagsAsync=1
Global Const $SRSEIsSpeaking=2
Global $_SAPI_SpVoice

_SAPI_Startup()

$Voices=$_SAPI_SpVoice.GetVoices()
For $i=0 To $Voices.Count-1
 $SpObjectToken=$Voices.Item($i)
 $Name=$SpObjectToken.GetDescription()
 ConsoleWrite($Name&@CRLF)
 If $Name='Microsoft Sam' Then $_SAPI_SpVoice.Voice=$SpObjectToken
Next


Global $Lyrics

; Bad to the Bone
_SAPI_Rate(2)
$Lyrics="On the day I was born, the nurses all gathered 'round. "& _
"And they gazed in wide wonder, at the juoy they had found. "& _
"The head nurse spoke up, and she said leave this one alone. "& _
'She could tell right away, that I was Bad to the Bone! '
_SAPI_Speak($Lyrics,$SVSFlagsAsync,True)
_B2()
_B2()
_B0()
_B1_2()
_B2()
$Lyrics="I broke a thousand hearts, before I met you. "& _
"I'll break a thousand more baby, before I am through. "& _
"I wanna be yours pretty baby, yours and yours alone. "& _
"I'm here to tell ya honey, that I'm bad to the bone! "
_SAPI_Speak($Lyrics,$SVSFlagsAsync,True)
_B2()
_B1_2()
_B1_1()
_B2()
$Lyrics="I make a rich woman beg, I'll make a good woman steal. "& _
"I'll make an old woman blush, and make a young woman squeal. "& _
"I wanna be yours pretty baby, yours and yours alone. "& _
"I'm here to tell ya honey, that I'm bad to the bone! "
_SAPI_Speak($Lyrics,$SVSFlagsAsync,True)
_B1_2()
_B1_1()
_B2()


Func _B0()
 _SAPI_Rate(5)
 _SAPI_Speak('Buh buh buh buh buh buh Bad to the bone!',$SVSFlagsAsync)
 _SAPI_WaitChangeRate(1,150,True); 2 didn't sound right.
EndFunc
Func _B1_1()
 _SAPI_Rate(5)
 _SAPI_Speak('Buh buh buh buh buh buh Bad!',$SVSFlagsAsync)
 _SAPI_WaitChangeRate(-5,150,True)
EndFunc
Func _B1_2()
 _B1_1()
 _SAPI_Rate(5)
 _SAPI_Speak('Buh buh buh buh buh buh Bad?',$SVSFlagsAsync)
 _SAPI_WaitChangeRate(-5,150,True)
EndFunc
Func _B2()
 _SAPI_Rate(2)
 _SAPI_Speak('Bad to the bone!',$SVSFlagsAsync,True)
EndFunc


Func _SAPI_Startup()
 Global $_SAPI_SpVoice
 If Not IsObj($_SAPI_SpVoice) Then $_SAPI_SpVoice=ObjCreate("SAPI.SpVoice")
EndFunc
Func _SAPI_Speak($sText, $iFlags=0, $fWaitFinishAsync=False, $iWaitFinishAsync=3600000)
 Global $_SAPI_SpVoice
 If IsObj($_SAPI_SpVoice) Then $_SAPI_SpVoice.Speak($sText,$iFlags)
 If $fWaitFinishAsync Then _SAPI_WaitFinishAsync($iWaitFinishAsync)
EndFunc
Func _SAPI_WaitFinishAsync($iMaxTime=3600000)
 Global $_SAPI_SpVoice
 If IsObj($_SAPI_SpVoice) Then
 Local $TWFAsync=TimerInit()
 Sleep(25); if I don't do this, the Status doesn't get set soon enough.
 While $_SAPI_SpVoice.Status.RunningState=$SRSEIsSpeaking And TimerDiff($TWFAsync)<$iMaxTime
 Sleep(300)
 WEnd
 EndIf
EndFunc
Func _SAPI_Rate($iNewRate)
 $_SAPI_SpVoice.Rate=$iNewRate
EndFunc
Func _SAPI_WaitChangeRate($iNewRate,$iWaitTime,$fWaitFinishAsync=False, $iWaitFinishAsync=3600000)
 $Timer=TimerInit()
 While 1
 If TimerDiff($Timer)>=$iWaitTime Then
 $_SAPI_SpVoice.Rate=$iNewRate
 ExitLoop
 EndIf
 Sleep(50)
 WEnd
 $Timer=0
 If $fWaitFinishAsync Then _SAPI_WaitFinishAsync($iWaitFinishAsync)
EndFunc

Func _SAPI_GetVoiceName()
 Global $_SAPI_SpVoice
 If IsObj($_SAPI_SpVoice) Then Return $_SAPI_SpVoice.Voice.GetDescription()
EndFunc
Func _SAPI_Shutdown()
 Global $_SAPI_SpVoice
 $_SAPI_SpVoice=0
EndFunc

EDIT: corruption fixed, helicopter easter egg gone.

Edited March 3, 2010 by crashdemons

[FinalVersion]

I Lol'd my ass off

[Skizmata]

This cracked up my entire office. Good Job!

[dexto]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Djj7jW6ny2M

Edited May 16, 2009 by dexto

[corgano]

I LOVE THE HELLECOPTER

So gonna do anything else? This is awesome!!

[JRowe]

Lmao, awesome script.

[crashdemons]

Well, here's this - but it doesn't sound any better.

expandcollapse popup

Global Const $SVSFlagsAsync=1
Global Const $SRSEIsSpeaking=2
Global $_SAPI_SpVoice
_SAPI_Startup()
_SetVoice('Microsoft Sam')


;;; Sympathy For The Devil ;;;
Global $Lyrics
_R0_1()
_SAPI_Rate(2)
$Lyrics="I've been around for a long long year. "& _
"Stole many a man's soul, and faith. "
_SAPI_Speak($Lyrics, $SVSFlagsAsync,True)
$Lyrics="I was 'round when Jesus Christ. "& _
"Had his moment, of doubt, and pain. "& _
"Made damn sure that Pilate. "& _
"Washed his hands, and sealed his fate. "
_SAPI_Speak($Lyrics, $SVSFlagsAsync,True)
_R1()
_R2()
_R3()
_SAPI_Rate(2)
$Lyrics="I stuck around St. Petersberg. "& _
"When I saw it was a time, for a change. "& _
"Killed the Czar, and his ministers. "& _
"Anastasia screamed in vain. "
_SAPI_Speak($Lyrics, $SVSFlagsAsync,True)
$Lyrics="I rode a tank. "& _
"Held a generals rank. "& _
"When the Blitzkrieg raged. "& _
"And the bodies stank. "
_SAPI_Speak($Lyrics, $SVSFlagsAsync,True)
_R1()
_R2()
_R3()
_SAPI_Rate(2)
$Lyrics="I watched with glee. "& _
"While your kings and queens. "& _
"Fought for ten decades. "& _
"For the Gods they made. "
_SAPI_Speak($Lyrics, $SVSFlagsAsync,True)
$Lyrics="I shouted out. "& _
"Who killed the Kennedys? "& _
"When after all. "& _
"It was you and me. "
_SAPI_Speak($Lyrics, $SVSFlagsAsync,True)
_R0_2()
_SAPI_Rate(2)
$Lyrics="And I laid traps for troobuhdoors. "& _
"Who get killed before they reached Bombay. "; MS Sam pronounces "troubadours" as "troo-badders"
_SAPI_Speak($Lyrics, $SVSFlagsAsync,True)
_R1()
_R2(True)
_R3()
Sleep(500); guitar solo?
_R1()
_R2(True)
_R3(True)
_SAPI_Rate(1)
$Lyrics="Just as every cop is a criminal. "& _
"And all the sinners saints. "& _
"As heads is tails, just call me Loosiffer. "& _
"'Cause I'm in need of some restraint. "; "Lucifer" was being pronounced "lussiffer"
_SAPI_Speak($Lyrics, $SVSFlagsAsync,True)
$Lyrics="So if you meet me. "& _
"Have some courtesy. "& _
"Have some sympathy, and some taste. "& _
"Use all your well-learned politesse. "& _
"Or I'll lay your. soul to waste. "
_SAPI_Speak($Lyrics, $SVSFlagsAsync,True)
_R1()
_R2(True)
_R3()
_SAPI_Rate(2)
_SAPI_Speak('Tell me baby, whats my name?', $SVSFlagsAsync,True)
_SAPI_Speak('Tell me honey, baby guess my name!', $SVSFlagsAsync,True)
_SAPI_Speak('Tell me baby, whats my name?', $SVSFlagsAsync,True)
_SAPI_Speak("tell you one time, you're to blame!", $SVSFlagsAsync,True)
Sleep(500); who, who?
_SAPI_Speak('whats my name?', $SVSFlagsAsync,True)
_SAPI_Speak('Tell me baby, whats my name?', $SVSFlagsAsync,True)
_SAPI_Speak('Tell me sweetie, whats my name?', $SVSFlagsAsync,True)



_SAPI_Shutdown()
Exit



Func _R0_1()
    _SAPI_Rate(2)
    _SAPI_Speak('Please allow me, to introduce myself', $SVSFlagsAsync,True)
    _R0()
EndFunc
Func _R0_2()
    _SAPI_Rate(2)
    _SAPI_Speak('Let me please, introduce myself', $SVSFlagsAsync,True)
    _R0()
EndFunc
Func _R0()
    _SAPI_Rate(2)
    _SAPI_Speak("I'm a man, of wealth, and taste", $SVSFlagsAsync,True)
EndFunc


Func _R1()
    _SAPI_Rate(2)
    _SAPI_Speak('Pleased to meet you.', $SVSFlagsAsync)
    _SAPI_WaitChangeRate(-5,100,True)
EndFunc

Func _R2($m=False)
    _SAPI_Rate(3)
    $t='I hope you guess my name!'
    If $m Then $t=StringReplace($t,'guess','guessed')
    _SAPI_Speak($t, $SVSFlagsAsync)
    ;_SAPI_WaitChangeRate(-3,200)
    _SAPI_WaitChangeRate(-5,500,True)
EndFunc

Func _R3($m=False)
    _SAPI_Rate(2)
    $t='But whats puzzling you'
    If $m Then $t=StringReplace($t,'puzzling','confusing')
    _SAPI_Speak($t, $SVSFlagsAsync)
    _SAPI_WaitChangeRate(-5,100,True)

    _SAPI_Rate(3)
    $t='Is the nature of my game!'
    If $m Then $t=StringReplace($t,'Is the','Is just the')
    _SAPI_Speak($t, $SVSFlagsAsync)
    _SAPI_WaitChangeRate(-3,200)
    _SAPI_WaitChangeRate(-5,500,True)
EndFunc



Func _SetVoice($sName='Microsoft Sam')
    $Voices=$_SAPI_SpVoice.GetVoices()
    For $i=0 To $Voices.Count-1
        $SpObjectToken=$Voices.Item($i)
        $Name=$SpObjectToken.GetDescription()
        ConsoleWrite($Name&@CRLF)
        If $Name=$sName Then
            $_SAPI_SpVoice.Voice=$SpObjectToken
            ExitLoop
        EndIf
    Next
EndFunc


Func _SAPI_Startup()
    Global $_SAPI_SpVoice
    If Not IsObj($_SAPI_SpVoice) Then $_SAPI_SpVoice=ObjCreate("SAPI.SpVoice")
EndFunc
Func _SAPI_Speak($sText, $iFlags=0, $fWaitFinishAsync=False, $iWaitFinishAsync=3600000)
    Global $_SAPI_SpVoice
    If IsObj($_SAPI_SpVoice) Then $_SAPI_SpVoice.Speak($sText,$iFlags)
    If $fWaitFinishAsync Then _SAPI_WaitFinishAsync($iWaitFinishAsync)
EndFunc
Func _SAPI_WaitFinishAsync($iMaxTime=3600000)
    Global $_SAPI_SpVoice
    If IsObj($_SAPI_SpVoice) Then
        Local $TWFAsync=TimerInit()
        Sleep(25); if I don't do this, the Status doesn't get set soon enough.
        While $_SAPI_SpVoice.Status.RunningState=$SRSEIsSpeaking And TimerDiff($TWFAsync)<$iMaxTime
            Sleep(300)
        WEnd
    EndIf
EndFunc
Func _SAPI_Rate($iNewRate)
    $_SAPI_SpVoice.Rate=$iNewRate
EndFunc
Func _SAPI_WaitChangeRate($iNewRate,$iWaitTime,$fWaitFinishAsync=False, $iWaitFinishAsync=3600000)
    $Timer=TimerInit()
    While 1
        If TimerDiff($Timer)>=$iWaitTime Then
            $_SAPI_SpVoice.Rate=$iNewRate
            ExitLoop
        EndIf
        Sleep(50)
    WEnd
    $Timer=0
    If $fWaitFinishAsync Then _SAPI_WaitFinishAsync($iWaitFinishAsync)
EndFunc

Func _SAPI_GetVoiceName()
    Global $_SAPI_SpVoice
    If IsObj($_SAPI_SpVoice) Then Return $_SAPI_SpVoice.Voice.GetDescription()
EndFunc
Func _SAPI_Shutdown()
    Global $_SAPI_SpVoice
    $_SAPI_SpVoice=0
EndFunc

[jfc]

really bored the other night, came up with this. tried to get him to say "yur bahrs, yur massahge pahlahs" but it don't come out right...

expandcollapse popup

Global Const $SVSFlagsAsync=1
Global Const $SRSEIsSpeaking=2
Global $Lyrics
_SAPI_Startup()
_SAPI_voice_sam()

onib_chorus()
$Lyrics="Bang kok. Oriental setting "& _
"And the city don't know that the city is getting. "& _
"The crem de la crem of the chess world in a  "& _
"Show with everything but Yul Brynner. "& _
"Time flies. doesn't seem a minute "& _
"Since the Tirolean spa had the chess boys in it. "& _
"All change. don't you know that when you "& _
"Play at this level there's no ordinary venue. "& _
"It's Iceland... or the Philippines... or Hastings... or... or this place! "
onib_vs($Lyrics)
onib_chorus()


$Lyrics="One town's very like another When your head's down over your pieces, brother"
onib_vs($Lyrics)
$Lyrics="It's a drag, it's a bore, it's really such a pity To be looking at the board, not looking at the city"
onib_vm($Lyrics)
$Lyrics="Wait a minute! Ya seen one crowded, polluted, stinking town"
onib_vs($Lyrics)
$Lyrics="Tea girls, warm, sweet, Some are set up in the Somerset Maugham suite"
onib_vm($Lyrics)
$Lyrics="Get Thai'd! You're talking to a tourist Whose every move's among the purest. I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine"
onib_vs($Lyrics)
onib_chorus()

$Lyrics="Siam's gonna be the witness To the ultimate test of cerebral fitness "& _
"This grips me more than would a Muddy old river or reclining Buddha. "& _
"And thank God I'm only watching the game, controlling it. "& _
"I don't see you guys rating "& _
"The kind of mate I'm contemplating. "& _
"I'd let you watch, I would invite you "& _
"But the queens we use would not excite you. "& _
"So you better go back to your bars, your temples, your massage parlours"
onib_vs($Lyrics)
onib_chorus()
Exit

Func onib_chorus()
$Lyrics="One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster. "& _
"The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free. "& _
"You'll find a god in every golden cloister. "& _
"And if you're lucky then the god's a she. "& _
"I can feel an angel sliding up to me. " 
onib_vm($Lyrics)
endFunc 

Func onib_vm($say)
_SAPI_Rate(8)
_SAPI_voice_michelle()
_SAPI_Speak($say,$SVSFlagsAsync,True)
endFunc 

Func onib_vs($say)
_SAPI_Rate(3)
_SAPI_voice_sam()
_SAPI_Speak($say,$SVSFlagsAsync,True)
endFunc 

Func _SAPI_voice_sam()
$Voices=$_SAPI_SpVoice.GetVoices()
For $i=0 To $Voices.Count-1
    $SpObjectToken=$Voices.Item($i)
    $Name=$SpObjectToken.GetDescription()
    ConsoleWrite($Name&@CRLF)
    If $Name='Microsoft Sam' Then $_SAPI_SpVoice.Voice=$SpObjectToken
Next
endfunc

Func _SAPI_voice_michelle()
$Voices=$_SAPI_SpVoice.GetVoices()
For $i=0 To $Voices.Count-1
    $SpObjectToken=$Voices.Item($i)
    $Name=$SpObjectToken.GetDescription()
    ConsoleWrite($Name&@CRLF)
    If $Name='LH Michelle' Then $_SAPI_SpVoice.Voice=$SpObjectToken
Next
endfunc

Func _SAPI_Startup()
    Global $_SAPI_SpVoice
    If Not IsObj($_SAPI_SpVoice) Then $_SAPI_SpVoice=ObjCreate("SAPI.SpVoice")
EndFunc
    
Func _SAPI_Speak($sText, $iFlags=0, $fWaitFinishAsync=False, $iWaitFinishAsync=3600000)
    Global $_SAPI_SpVoice
    If IsObj($_SAPI_SpVoice) Then $_SAPI_SpVoice.Speak($sText,$iFlags)
    If $fWaitFinishAsync Then _SAPI_WaitFinishAsync($iWaitFinishAsync)
EndFunc
Func _SAPI_WaitFinishAsync($iMaxTime=3600000)
    Global $_SAPI_SpVoice
    If IsObj($_SAPI_SpVoice) Then
        Local $TWFAsync=TimerInit()
        Sleep(25); if I don't do this, the Status doesn't get set soon enough.
        While $_SAPI_SpVoice.Status.RunningState=$SRSEIsSpeaking And TimerDiff($TWFAsync)<$iMaxTime
            Sleep(300)
        WEnd
    EndIf
EndFunc
Func _SAPI_Rate($iNewRate)
    $_SAPI_SpVoice.Rate=$iNewRate
EndFunc
Func _SAPI_WaitChangeRate($iNewRate,$iWaitTime,$fWaitFinishAsync=False, $iWaitFinishAsync=3600000)
    $Timer=TimerInit()
    While 1
        If TimerDiff($Timer)>=$iWaitTime Then
            $_SAPI_SpVoice.Rate=$iNewRate
            ExitLoop
        EndIf
        Sleep(50)
    WEnd
    $Timer=0
    If $fWaitFinishAsync Then _SAPI_WaitFinishAsync($iWaitFinishAsync)
EndFunc

Func _SAPI_GetVoiceName()
    Global $_SAPI_SpVoice
    If IsObj($_SAPI_SpVoice) Then Return $_SAPI_SpVoice.Voice.GetDescription()
EndFunc
Func _SAPI_Shutdown()
    Global $_SAPI_SpVoice
    $_SAPI_SpVoice=0
EndFunc

[BrettF]

HAHAHAHA.

Love it!

[corgano]

Sorry for bumping an old topic, But does anyone have the helicopter one around? i was looking for it and couldn't find it as it was deleted.

[AutoProgramming]

Wtf nice

Maybe you can add my Beeping-UDFs to put a beat to it?

Edited February 6, 2010 by AutoProgramming